It’s been over a year and somehow I still sometimes forget that Gregg is gone. I’ll be thinking about something and be like, “oh, Gregg would like that,” and then BAM, it all floods back. And I’m swept up with the wave.

I’d say that I’m bouncing between shock and bargaining right now. Shock that he’s gone and trying to bargain with God to let me see him, or even bargaining with my mind to trick me into THINKING I see him. Like, why can’t I just see him? I know its a thing, why can’t it happen to me? Even seeing him in a dream, anything. I’ve only dreamt about him once, maaaybe twice since he died, and neither were tender reunion type dreams, which was worse than not dreaming about him at all.

I suppose that God knows that if I did see him, I would just keep chasing him. I would just keep wanting to see him and I would never be able to “move on,” whatever that means. But I’d be ok with that… I just. Want. To see him.